Tag Archive | Cynthia Osokogu

The Nigerian Thunder League (NTL): Issue 5

(As chronicled by Voss)

 

Someday, thoughtpedal shall overcome its challenges…

***

Plots of a bloody novel unfold in my head as I watch the absurdists and the absurdities flaming out in Nigeria. Nigeria is my father and I love him – perhaps more than can be evident here. Love thrusts on a lover the responsibility of truth. Speaking truth to power…

 

SCORES

──────

FRSC Babes = 2                        ———–        Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors = 0

Natural Disaster Babes  = 1       ———–

Hunger Stars FC = 0                

Police Marauders FC = 0           ———–

Corruption United = 3               

BH No-Pity FC =  1                 – ———–

Presidential Wolves = 0

Hard Drugs Stars FC = 0          ————

NDLEA Warriors = 4

PENGASSAN Strikers = 1         ———-

Presidential Wolves = 1

 

TRANSFERS

────────

NAME

FROM

TO

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———-

Hard Drugs Stars FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———–

Hard Drugs Stars FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———–

Hard Drugs Stars FC

 

Recall that Presidential Wolves defender Dr. Reub-Aba Odemwingie was recently sidelined with the signing of Doy-Okup Kanu. Determined to remain relevant to Presidential Wolves, Reub-Aba Odemwingie had quickly rushed to press with an article desperately entitled “The Goodluck Jonathan Social Media Activists Do Not Know.” After reading Reub-Aba Odemwingie’s piece, Pa Ikhide R. ‘the obsessive reader’ Ikheloa, an illustrious striker at Patriotic Stars FC, wrote: “I have always felt that Dr. Reuben Abati (Reub-Aba Odemwingie) is an overrated writer and thinker. With this latest hagiography he penned for President Goodluck Jonathan (Goodluck J.Okocha) he has just confirmed that he is simply awful. He should be fired.” (Hey, brackets Voss’s).

 

In Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, FRSC Babes, led by Osit-Chidok Ferdinand, pipped Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors two goals to nil and immediately announced a ban on them. Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors have been robbed off their distinction (and some of their arrogance too 🙂 ) and are right now fulminating …

 

PENGASSAN Strikers played Presidential Wolves twice in Abuja. In the first leg of the match, PENGASSAN Strikers won two goals to one and effectively detained most drivers in petrol stations. The second leg, though mostly a lapse of boredom, ended with the release of drivers from detention in petrol stations…

 

It was a lachrymal week for Patriotic Stars FC as they lost an amaranth, Cynthia Osokogu. She was allegedly defiled and then murdered. . Question marks stalk the streets…The ground has been wet with mourning ever since…

 

NDLEA Warriors showed they were in top form by intercepting over a dozen balls belonging to Hard Drugs Stars FC in Kano state. Delirious with power, they made a bonfire of these balls and then raised wineglasses in victory…   

 

Determined to make the bullet and the bomb unattractive to his subjects, Governor al-Mak Muntari, skipper of Politricks FC, Nasarawa state branch, recently announced the engagement of over one thousand youths as sanitary inspectors and traffic wardens.

 

There are thieves in this town. Don’t ask Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Will the tyranny of rats and mosquitoes soon be over? Should we gloat in the knowledge of imminent salvation, an instant-cake deliverance from the deliberate and happy dementia of drivers?

 

Let us watch and wait… because we are keen students of history…

 

We give medals after a match, never in the middle of it… J

The Cliché Collector/ Alchemist: Issue 11

The American poet and pediatrician, William Carlos Williams, wrote, and I more than agree: “Compose. (No ideas/ but in things) Invent!/ Saxifrage is my flower that splits/ the rocks.” Well…. Headache is my hammer that splits the skull… my head bangs in the anarchy of wild dervishes… whorls of fire, unseen, scalp my skull… the keyboard retreats; the words, the letters, are blind…

You will recall that on the 3rd of June, 2012, Dana Airline Flight 9J-992 from Abuja crashed in Lagos, Nigeria, killing all 153 on board. Naija Stories, the destination of current Nigerian writing, made a call for prose/ poetry submissions to commemorate the event. Out of the hundreds of articles submitted, a few were selected and later published in e-book format. For putting up with the absence of TCCA yesterday, I am giving you a link to download the e-book at no cost: http://www.naijastories.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/So-We-Do-Not-Forget-Anthology.pdf .You will find a poem of mine there… 

Thank you…

[The lab. Stone-silent. The door clicks open and ALCHEMIST virtually floats in. He has apparently lost weight. His visage is streaked with vestiges of worry].

ALCHEMIST [flopping into a seat]: Everyone in the country is worrying except the crooks in power. Enough of them anyway. My days are vibrant; sometimes they are newspaper and tea convalescences… Today’s specimens are just a click away. See them here: http://www.dailypost.com.ng/2012/08/25/cynthia-osokogus-murder-my-daughter-never-rough-girl-mum/ [Coughs]. Ameh Comrade Godwin has been a blessing to TCCA. Let us hope he continues…  [Coughs again]. Uh-huh, let’s go…

Specimen one – BRING/ BROUGHT TO BOOK

It is apparent that books are the registers of history. If someone had not invented writing, had not invented the book, much of what we know today would be lost. BRING/ BROUGHT TO BOOK had been as apt as a sword and been received with near rapture at invention. Right now it embarrasses your essay/ story/ feuilleton, it frustrates the march of your elocution, it announces your funeral… [Shakes head]. Another slip, another threnody… Bury the great Duke; don’t bury my friend…  [Moving towards the door]. More than five dybbukim gloat in Ameh’s story. I’ll roast them in #12 of TCCA. A rendezvous you can’t ignore. Next week… [^(i)^]
[Exits].