Tag Archive | Mohammed Manga

The Nigerian Thunder League (NTL): Issue 6

(As chronicled by Voss)

 

I am entitled to a lease of ire; I will take it.

 

11:30am, 31st August, 2012. In response to the Garden City Literary Festival’s call for entries for a workshop to be held in Port Harcourt in October, I had sent an entry, my sixth, to the email address given: info@gardencityfestival.com. Failed, like the five before it. 😦 (Before even attempting to submit, I’d navigated to their (supposed) website http://www.gardencityfestival.com. Unavailable).  My eyes hurt; these people kept me awake for two days – in vain. I should sue them…  😦

 

SCORES

──────

 

Natural Disaster Babes  = 2      ————

Patriotic Stars FC = 0

BH No-Pity FC =  2                 ————

Hunger Stars FC = 0

Politricks FC  =  1                   ————

Presidential Wolves = 1

Police Marauders FC = 1       ———–           Hunger Stars FC = 0

 

TRANSFERS

────────

NAME

FROM

TO

(Hidden)          ———–

Presidential Wolves  ——

BH No-Pity FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Presidential Wolves   ——

BH No-Pity FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Presidential Wolves   ——-

BH No-Pity FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Police Marauders FC    —–

BH No-Pity FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC         ——

BH No-Pity FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Politricks FC           ——-

Corruption United

(Hidden)          ———–

Politricks FC             ——

Corruption United

 

 

Police Marauders FC recently confirmed the return from Spain of 27 members of Hunger Stars FC. Of course they had not returned voluntarily; they had to be deported. Their deportation reminds me of my good friend Umunwaele’s old lines –

 

(V )

Saint Andrew

Has baptized your sons

And abroad is their sole anthem.

Amala. Eba. Tuwo Shinkafa.: 

It’s Spain or suicide

London or long live death!

BA waits at the table

Of Lord No Vacancy.

MA bolted,

Hyper-ready for the dirty dishes

Of Surrey.

PhD traversed the lake of shame

In the frigate Casuistry:

Before Prince Ton and Herr Vard,

Prostrate he lies, anxious for a better cake. J

***

 

In Maje town, near Abuja, a fuel tanker burst into flames. Two members of Patriotic Stars FC confirmed sold to the restless and impatient buyer – death. Dust and twisted steel are what remains of 29 buildings in the vicinity of the disaster. Now Nightmare marches an army across the brows of the residents.   

 

Flummoxed by ever careening vehicles, determined to check the lunacy of most drivers, FRSC Babes recently announced a compulsory eye test for driving license applicants.

 

Mohammed Manga, the man who bombed the United Nations building in Abuja, must be grinning in hell. Yes, hell; the bloke was misled into thinking heaven was his destination L. The Congress for Progressive Change (CPC), a fractious and rebellious group at Politricks FC, criticized Presidential Wolves’ offer to rebuild the bombed building. It is misplaced magnanimity, CPC said. Presidential Wolves have been mostly reticent on the issue, indirectly telling the CPC: You know price of everything and the value of nothing.  <:)/X/:(>                

 

Please wait; let me write to the colonel …