Tag Archive | murder

The Nigerian Thunder League (NTL): Issue 5

(As chronicled by Voss)

 

Someday, thoughtpedal shall overcome its challenges…

***

Plots of a bloody novel unfold in my head as I watch the absurdists and the absurdities flaming out in Nigeria. Nigeria is my father and I love him – perhaps more than can be evident here. Love thrusts on a lover the responsibility of truth. Speaking truth to power…

 

SCORES

──────

FRSC Babes = 2                        ———–        Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors = 0

Natural Disaster Babes  = 1       ———–

Hunger Stars FC = 0                

Police Marauders FC = 0           ———–

Corruption United = 3               

BH No-Pity FC =  1                 – ———–

Presidential Wolves = 0

Hard Drugs Stars FC = 0          ————

NDLEA Warriors = 4

PENGASSAN Strikers = 1         ———-

Presidential Wolves = 1

 

TRANSFERS

────────

NAME

FROM

TO

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———-

Hard Drugs Stars FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———–

Hard Drugs Stars FC

(Hidden)          ———–

Hunger Stars FC ———–

Hard Drugs Stars FC

 

Recall that Presidential Wolves defender Dr. Reub-Aba Odemwingie was recently sidelined with the signing of Doy-Okup Kanu. Determined to remain relevant to Presidential Wolves, Reub-Aba Odemwingie had quickly rushed to press with an article desperately entitled “The Goodluck Jonathan Social Media Activists Do Not Know.” After reading Reub-Aba Odemwingie’s piece, Pa Ikhide R. ‘the obsessive reader’ Ikheloa, an illustrious striker at Patriotic Stars FC, wrote: “I have always felt that Dr. Reuben Abati (Reub-Aba Odemwingie) is an overrated writer and thinker. With this latest hagiography he penned for President Goodluck Jonathan (Goodluck J.Okocha) he has just confirmed that he is simply awful. He should be fired.” (Hey, brackets Voss’s).

 

In Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, FRSC Babes, led by Osit-Chidok Ferdinand, pipped Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors two goals to nil and immediately announced a ban on them. Peace-in-Pieces Ambassadors have been robbed off their distinction (and some of their arrogance too 🙂 ) and are right now fulminating …

 

PENGASSAN Strikers played Presidential Wolves twice in Abuja. In the first leg of the match, PENGASSAN Strikers won two goals to one and effectively detained most drivers in petrol stations. The second leg, though mostly a lapse of boredom, ended with the release of drivers from detention in petrol stations…

 

It was a lachrymal week for Patriotic Stars FC as they lost an amaranth, Cynthia Osokogu. She was allegedly defiled and then murdered. . Question marks stalk the streets…The ground has been wet with mourning ever since…

 

NDLEA Warriors showed they were in top form by intercepting over a dozen balls belonging to Hard Drugs Stars FC in Kano state. Delirious with power, they made a bonfire of these balls and then raised wineglasses in victory…   

 

Determined to make the bullet and the bomb unattractive to his subjects, Governor al-Mak Muntari, skipper of Politricks FC, Nasarawa state branch, recently announced the engagement of over one thousand youths as sanitary inspectors and traffic wardens.

 

There are thieves in this town. Don’t ask Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Will the tyranny of rats and mosquitoes soon be over? Should we gloat in the knowledge of imminent salvation, an instant-cake deliverance from the deliberate and happy dementia of drivers?

 

Let us watch and wait… because we are keen students of history…

 

We give medals after a match, never in the middle of it… J

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